Having been gently prodded by an object of unsubstantiated length, density and inanimatedness by Mr. Christopher Bond, I have written some stuff for the C.A.Website, concerning Wash & Go.

Artisticly, don't you know, Mr. and Mrs. Luvvie, words, and, puntcuation are not my maximus forte piano. Hence I tend towards the more visual end of the visible bit of the middle of the electro magnetic spectrum. Sorry about the pause there I just had to stop to record a copy for the Giggle Shorts film festival in TORONTO CANADA. It is also submitted for the KINO FILM FESTIVAL IN MANCHESTER. And maybe some more soon. From what I gather, like, the Kino Film Fest is BIG, AND IT is quite an honour to be accepted for it! So fingers crossed.

On a more sideways and yes note - about the film. It was certainly a challenge - not something I generally shrink away from but had I known what a monster it was going to be, I probably would never have bothered. Then again I am going to do more films!?!?

Originally it was to be shot on Super 8. Then is was to be on a hired SVHS Camera over 3 weekends. Then a bunch of other ideas - finally about four and a half years later it was done. I'd like to say it was worth it, but as with all these things, there are some changes I would have made - mainly equipment and weather conditions.

Thanks go out to all those involved - particularly Jon, Nicki, Chris B., Jo M. and editing wizard Karen. Cheers and may your fish change lightbulbs.

Nick Warburton
P.S. Copies are available (inexpensive) from Nick

NEWS: September 2002.
'Wash and Go' was shown at the 'Giggleshorts' film festival on Friday 23rd August.
Nick had the following email from one of the organisers:

" Hi Nick,we are planing to become a distributer for short comedies. I think if your film was on TV, it would be great, but when people are watching 20 films in one night, most being 4 minutes, they tend to want shorter films, thats what we got, but it is a marvelous film, I have seen it 4 times myself and love the soundtrack, we are going to take this on a small tour of smaller towns around Toronto and promote comedy film making.
Thanks.
Keep making, you have a truly unique film.

Geo Pal "

When Nick "Sir Real" Warburton approached myself and a few other "Mad Hatters" with the idea for a film portraying the heady relationship between a washing machine and a tumble dryer, we knew we had struck gold. Nick had, afterall, already delighted us all with his production of the "Ironing Board Waltz" and, despite the technical difficulties apparent in such a project, we all offered our blood, sweat and tears unequivocably and unconditionally, (well some of us!)

Throughout the two long years of production, we were faced with many difficulties including irate inhabitants of Sheringham, forgetful (and drunk) cameramen, do-gooder coastal Eco-Warriors and a variety and long and enduring night shoots where tempers were high and tolerance low. And I'm sure that Bondy will never forget that trip down a sheer cliff face inside the cramped shell of a washing machine as Jon and Jo will never forget enduring the harsh elements of the North Sea with a tumble dryer in a small rowing boat.

Still, in the face of such overwhelming adversity, we struggled on holding true to our faith that, once completed, this film would go down in the archives as a work of sheer genius. And so it has ....

If you don't believe me, contact us, buy a copy and see for yourself!

Nicki Dixon - Producer

My life as a White Goods appliance.

I don't remember exactly how it all started but at some point Nick Warburton asked me if I'd be interested in helping with a short film he had an idea for. Since Nick has already had great success bringing Ironing Boards to life in the fantastic 'Ironing Board Waltz', and this film would apparently involve a Washing Machine and Tumble Drier as the main characters, I couldn't wait to find out exactly what Nick had planned.
It was a project that (for me) was to begin with squeezing myself into the shell of a washing machine one rainy weekend morning and end approximately 2 years later with me being perched half way up a cliff in the same machine (after being awake for over 24hours)....

Much of the time we were able to get the washing machine and tumble drier to move around on their own but for certain shots it was necessary to have a human operator in the machine. Being shorter than most of the crew working on the film, I frequently ended up being one of those inside one or other of the machines. The only way to fit inside was to crouch sideways inside them with your knees level with your chest and put your weight onto the two grab-handles which Nick had welded at the bottom of the casing. Being in a crouching position ensured that after a few minutes you were bound to get bad cramp in your legs and being at an angle to the front of the machine meant it was difficult to go in a straight line. A problem that we never really solved.

The first night of filming found us in Sheringham high street at 2am. Luckily the wind was blowing and the clanking and creaking of various shop signs hid the noises we made trundling the machines around from the ears of the residents. I was convinced that, since we were filming outside an off-licence and bank, sooner or later someone would assume we were involved in some sort of bizarre break-in and call the Police. I didn't relish explaining why I was inside a washing machine, in the middle of the road, at 2am to a disbelieving Policeman. Luckily, although we hid a couple of times from passing drunks and got laughed at by some passing revellers, the night's filming passed without incident. When we returned to Sheringham later on in the filmimg schedule we did manage to wake one of the residents, she was so surprised by the sight of the self propelled washing machine and our promise that the film would be shown on the TV 'some time soon' that she let us get on with the job without further complaint. Pretty reasonable I think, since it was the early hours of the morning!

As expected the whole process became considerably more surreal as we continued. We filmed a set of human standard lamps being a Brass Section, the tumble drier majestically decending the stairs and her departure on a train. When I first heard about this sequence of the film , I admit I had my doubts about its feasability. I shouldn't have worried; for me the day of filming at Wells and Walsingham Light Railway turned out to be the most enjoyable of the whole project and looks superb on film. Roy Francis at the railway turned out to be a fascinating and wonderfully friendly person and helped in our madness without question! Cruising up and down the railway track in a tumble drier on an open carriage was incredible and, with the top fixed on the machine, it felt as if I was going about 90mph! Very exhilarating.

There were also several late night trips to Cove Hythe on the Suffolk coast, allowing us to film the sunrise that greeted the depressed Washing machine at the start of the film, and some rather odd love scenes on the beach with our two mechanical protagonists. On the first night of filming there a certain cameraman forgot some vital pieces of equipment and I had to drive the many miles back to Norwich at high speed to collect them. On the way back we had to race the dawn, to ensure we got the cameras set up to record the sunrise. We only just made it in time. I was amused to find later that the pounding Drum'n'Bass I had on the car radio to keep myself awake and alert was driving the afore-mentioned cameraman slowly mad! That'll teach him!

Various incidents occured whilst filming, someone thought we were dumping the machines on the beach (see below), someone else complained that we shouldn't be climbing on the cliffs, which is not what you want to have to deal with after an exhausting filming session, particularly when you've gone to considerable effort to ensure you left the place exactly as you found it. Balancing inside the washing machine at various heights up the cliff was quite scary and at one point I was only just caught in time to prevent a nasty spin down the cliff as my tired leg mucles began to give way.

The long nights filming and cramped conditions in the machines gradually took their toll and, although they say you have to suffer for your art, I wasn't present at the final filming sessions. My first proper viewing of the film in its entirety was at the Norwich Arts Centre and, with the addition of Wreckless Eric's music , it made an impressive debut showing. Later on at the Crude Apache Film Night the film was again highly praised and enjoyed. It's certainly stranger and more surreal than anything we've done so far and I'm immensely proud of having been involved in it.

Chris Bond - Machine Operator/Stunt Man.

The van in question was a red Escort, registration number XXX XXX. Investigations have revealed that this vehicle was registered in your name on June 4th 2000.

I would be grateful if you could supply an explanation for the above events, in writing to me at the address shown below, within 14 days from the date of this letter. This explanation may influence this Agency's next course of action regarding this matter.

Environmental Protection Officer

Dear Environmental Protection Officer,

It is with some amusement and some small annoyance that I find myself writing to you. Today I received your letter concerning my 'dumping' of 'domestic appliances' over Cove Hythe cliffs on 4th June 2000.

I distinctly remember the man who obviously reported the alleged 'goings on', since he was the only man there who was unable to understand what we were doing. When I saw him take down my registration number I only wish I had had a pen and paper to hand to take down his, as I knew he was going to cause trouble. Anyway since you now have his name and, hopefully, address, perhaps you could forward the enclosed letter to him - thank you.

Anyway, back to the plot and an explanation of the 'alleged ' activities of June 4th 2000! The explanation goes as follows (which indeed I did explain to Mr. Busy Body at the time). Firstly NO 'domestic appliances' were ever dumped over Cove Hythe cliffs, or were they ever going to be in any time frame of past or future in any reality - except perhaps the witnesses'. Two domestic appliances were lowered over the cliffs for the purpose of making a short film on the beach. The shoot was very successful and has gone someway to finishing off the first act which is to be set to Grieg's 'Morning'. The film is called 'Wash and Go' and is a surrealist classic love story between a Tumble Dryer (female) (obviously) and a Washing Machine (male) (obviously). If you would like more information on when and where it will be showing then either contact myself or Crude Apache Theatre Co. via Norwich City Council Arts Dept.

To conclude - it seems unbelievable that a Mr. Busy Body on a Sunday afternoon outing could see something that he doesn't understand, make no attempt to, contact you with at best an exaggerated story and at worst fabricated, with no supporting evidence (where are these machines? - In my garage, is the answer) - and then you send me a letter saying that I have illegally dumped waste at Cove Hythe, and my requested explanation may influence your Agency's next course of action. 'Farcical' is a word that comes to mind. Could I take down a random car registration Number and concoct a story with no supporting evidence, and then expect you to approach that person to demand an explanation of their acts and to prove themselves innocent of them? Seems a little strange to me.

Anyway you will no doubt be pleased to know that we actually removed some rubbish from the beach whilst we were there - for which I shall donate my forthcoming Blue Peter badge to charity - perhaps the 'Save The Bendix Tumble Dryer Fund', and also we provided a very humerous spectacle for many passer-bys who could be bothered to stop and look, and/or talk to us .

Enclosed is some evidence - although I can only assume that it is not actually required? - It is a wedding photo from the 2nd Act - set to Frankie Lane - 'Where The Wild Goose Goes'. A reply to this would be appreciated, and no doubt cause amusement amongst the cast.

Yours Nick Warburton.

Oh, how we still laugh in memory of your foolishness.

Yours Bendix.

Thank you for your letter of 3rd July 2000, received yesterday, and for taking the time to provide the explanation of the events as they actually were. I apologise if you have been put to some annoyance and inconvenience, but as I am sure you are aware this agency has a statutory obligation to investigate all complaints made to it even if some of those complaints turn out to be at best inaccurate and at worst untrue. As you probably know, the offence of fly-tipping has become quite a problem in recent years and it is something that is taken very seriously.

Thank you for the 'evidence' that you provided with your letter. I am bound to say that it caused no small amount of amusement in the office, and for that we are grateful. In answer to your question, some of the staff would be interested in viewing the completed film - largely through curiosity.

I am afraid that due to internal policies, I will be unable to forward your letter to the complainant. However I will be contacting them in the very near future to clarify the situation.

Yours sincerely

Environmental protection Officer

Dear Environmental protection Officer,

Thank you for your most recent letter, and I'm glad to hear that it brightened up your office's day. In answer to your letter it is more convenient for me to write to you, and the film may not be immenently on the horizon since it has taken 2-3 years to get this far! However I do hope to complete the filming by the end of the year and then maybe another 6 months to a year to digitally edit it. I shall try and make a mental note to send you a copy on VHS when it is completed.

That's all for now, Thankyou,
Yours Nick Warburton.